Neem even vijf minuten pauze. Lees onderstaande grappen en ga dan weer met een glimlach aan het werk.
A Shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd, “If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?”
The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, “Sure. Why not?”
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photo shop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an e-mail on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL
database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an e-mail on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP Laser Jet printer and finally turns to the shepherd and says, “You have exactly 1,586 sheep.”
“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep,” says the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the shepherd says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?”
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”
“You’re a consultant,” says the shepherd.
“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”
“No guessing required,” answered the shepherd. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew; to a question I never asked; and you don’t know anything about my business …….”
“… Now give me back my dog.”
Nummer 2: 29 manieren om lol te hebben op je werk:
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
3. Insist that your e mail address is Xena-Warrior-Princess@companyname.com or Elvis-the-King@companyname.com
4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
5. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
6. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN BOX.”
7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
9. In the memo field of all your checks, write “FOR SEXUAL FAVORS.”
10. Reply to everything someone says with, “That’s what you think.”
11. Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy.”
12. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
14. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
15. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
16. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
17. Sing along at the opera.
18. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.
19. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender).
20. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you’re doing. For example, “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom, in Stall #3.”
21. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
22. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.
23. Call the psychic hotline and don’t say anything.
24. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, “Rock Hard.”
25. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I Won!”, “I Won!” “3rd time this week!!!”
26. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling “Run for your lives, they’re loose!”
27. Tell your boss, “It’s not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voices in your head that do.”
28. Tell your children over dinner, “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”
29. Every time you see a broom, yell “Honey, your mother is here!”
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